Years later, I look back and I don't know exactly what I was thinking when I posted my first message on this blog. I'm not sure what I was imagining would happen when I even created the account. What was I going to write about? Well, after a whirlwind blogging spree of exactly TWO posts, this site pretty much hit the breaks. And stalled. For, what? Five years? Clearly, I didn't have a few key qualities of a worthwhile online figure.
Commitment. Inspiration...
I didn't have a purpose. What was I going to blog about? I wasn't going to blog about my life. I posted on the internet reiterations of information I had l gotten from the internet. Mostly because I felt something formal and impersonal was the best way to have an online voice. WRONG! I've noticed that my favorite online voices are those who talk you casually and with a LOT of humor and enthusiasm. Like, with the amount of energy that would be too much for real life.
Most importantly, I didn't have self-confidence enough to believe that I could say something to the world and that it could possibly be worth hearing. But you have to put something out there. We all have to have something in our lives to hold up and be proud of. Otherwise, it's hard to sleep. It's hard to think on any memory without imagining yourself as just a series of mistakes, embarrassments, and failures. Most of the time it's not true; it's just a funhouse reflection.
I think an internet life, while lived by many introverts, is indicative of a social personality. Otherwise, we'd all just write in our private journals and be satisfied. Online communities are still about interacting with people, despite their apparent antisocial stigma.
Well, I've mostly been in my private journals for the last few years. And I'm pretty much admitting that I'm still all of those things I was before: insecure, noncommittal, and antisocial; but I'm going to give it a go. No idea what I'll post about. But if I keep getting as many views as I have been, it won't really matter anyway :P
Fuck-it program initiate!
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