Like many college students, I came home from college hoping to get a summer job. I searched a bit, eyeing a retail job at the nearby bookstore and a part-time library aide position at my local library. As you can tell, I was anxious to work with books. I was also not anxious to involve myself in high-stress work environment. While I had heard all the negativity surrounding job searching experiences, I was like whatever, it can't be that hard.
Well, after finally getting rejected from both positions previously referenced, I realize, it's not that it's hard. It's that you start to realize how under-qualified you are. It's dejecting and makes it hard to remember what might make you a valuable employee to any other hiring employers. You also start to realize that before you can even start paying your dues in your pre-career background employment for whatever career you're aiming for, you have to work in a job that is more waiting than forward-moving. Dr. Seuss warned us about the waiting room in Oh, the Places You'll Go. It's happening. I'm there. Waiting.
Therefore, tomorrow I'll be hoofing it to a small hardware store in my neighborhood and seeing the manager at CVS to apply for work I know I'll dread everyday on my way there. It sounds like the beginning of a summer contemporary novel by Sarah Dessen. In fact, I think I've read it.

Ivy expected a long summer of boring work at a local nondescript retail store. With all her friends away for the summer she only had her stupid blog to look forward to. What she didn't expect was to meet a tall, brooding musician with a secret hidden deep. She also didn't expect a purple pegasus to come flying through the sliding automatic doors of CVS, decree that she was a wizard, Harry, and send her on a whirlwind adventure of love, laughter and, most importantly, friendship. New York Times Best-Selling author, God, is at it again proving that you can't always judge a book by it's cover. And neither can I.

Holy shit. It's sad how funny I think I am sometimes!

Oh, How long it has been...

Years later, I look back and I don't know exactly what I was thinking when I posted my first message on this blog. I'm not sure what I was imagining would happen when I even created the account. What was I going to write about? Well, after a whirlwind blogging spree of exactly TWO posts, this site pretty much hit the breaks. And stalled. For, what? Five years? Clearly, I didn't have a few key qualities of a worthwhile online figure.
Commitment. Inspiration...
I didn't have a purpose. What was I going to blog about? I wasn't going to blog about my life. I posted on the internet reiterations of information I had l gotten from the internet. Mostly because I felt something formal and impersonal was the best way to have an online voice. WRONG! I've noticed that my favorite online voices are those who talk you casually and with a LOT of humor and enthusiasm. Like, with the amount of energy that would be too much for real life.
Most importantly, I didn't have self-confidence enough to believe that I could say something to the world and that it could possibly be worth hearing. But you have to put something out there. We all have to have something in our lives to hold up and be proud of. Otherwise, it's hard to sleep. It's hard to think on any memory without imagining yourself as just a series of mistakes, embarrassments, and failures. Most of the time it's not true; it's just a funhouse reflection.

I think an internet life, while lived by many introverts, is indicative of a social personality. Otherwise, we'd all just write in our private journals and be satisfied. Online communities are still about interacting with people, despite their apparent antisocial stigma.
Well, I've mostly been in my private journals for the last few years. And I'm pretty much admitting that I'm still all of those things I was before: insecure, noncommittal, and antisocial; but I'm going to give it a go. No idea what I'll post about. But if I keep getting as many views as I have been, it won't really matter anyway :P

Fuck-it program initiate!